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Row your own boat…

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Instead of causing chaos and rocking someone else’s boat, you need to row your own.
Some people meddle in other’s lives to avoid dealing with their own. Meddling in other people’s lives is something many of us have probably been tempted to do at some point, and the trick is discerning when it is appropriate to do so and when it is best to leave things alone. To do this you need to ask yourself whether you are getting involved for them, or for yourself; then ask whether they are happy, even if what they are doing does not make you happy. Finally you need to determine whether interfering is going to put your relationship with the person at risk and if the answer is yes, decide whether you are prepared to take that risk. Most importantly you need to plan your course of action and not jump in impulsively as often this will result in things being said that should be well and truly left unsaid.
Often you will find that people will shoot the messenger ( that being you) and as often happened with my kids, the warring parties resolve their differences by uniting against you. I never could quite work out how it was I went from trying to be the peacemaker to becoming the enemy in one fell swoop! I soon learnt to let them sort out their own differences unless they came to me.
Sometimes you can be be faced with a total dilemma. Many years ago one of my close friend’s teenage son came to me and told me he was thinking of trying heroin. Naturally I was horrified and did all I could to talk him out of it ( thankfully I succeeded). My problem was determining whether I betray his trust and tell his parents, or keep it to myself. I decided that if it was me in their shoes I would want to know, so bit the bullet and told them, stressing they could not speak to him about it or he would never confide in me again. It was an extremely hard thing to tell them and understandably they were hurt that he hadn’t reached out to them, but they were extremely grateful that I had been there for him. We sat and discussed ways they could reach out to him without letting on they knew what was going on in his life. Happily he chose a much better path in life and now has a great job, a beautiful wife and a gorgeous young baby. Sometimes all you need to be is a pair of ears and I am so glad that I was there for him and able to help.

“Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again.”
Lis 🦉

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