Parenthood requires love, not DNA…


54 years ago I entered this world and a short time later was adopted by two amazing people, my Mum and Dad. I knew from a very young age I was adopted and had been told I was chosen, very much wanted and special; I never felt I was missing anything, in my eyes giving birth doesn’t make you a true mum, it’s the every day looking after, worrying about, caring for, and loving of your child that earns you that title. I would have happily gone through life not discovering my “birth parents” if not for my sister ( also adopted) wanting to find hers. She had no money so I paid the costs for her and also applied for my own birth papers. I would not have done this if my Mum was still alive but sadly she had passed away when I was 8 months pregnant with my twin boys. It would have broken her heart and I would never have hurt her; she may have not given birth to me but she was, is and always will be my one and only Mum. Dad ( who happily is 93 years young and still with us) was ok with us determining our roots, so 18 years ago my sister and I proceeded with our search. It’s quite surreal holding your birth certificate in your hand and seeing a different name ( I was called Michelle) and reading about baby x, knowing that it is in actual fact you. I managed to locate my birth mother and corresponded by letter with her for quite some time before finally biting the bullet and meeting her. She was a lovely lady and we got along well but it’s a weird relationship, she may have brought me into this world and passed on certain genes and medical conditions but she did not make me who I am. We had some contact and then kept in touch via Facebook (played Words with Friends together) and she notified me of any medical issues in her life. I am glad to have learned about the events that led to my conception, birth and relinquishment and in doing so determine the story given to my adoptive parents that I was the seventh born child and the birth parents couldn’t afford to keep me was completely false. Strangely enough I was recently talking to a girlfriend ( also adopted) and her parents had been given the exact same story when they had adopted her brother. We were both adopted from the same hospital using the same agency, so we concluded that they must have had three or four standard stories that were given to the adoptive parents. I strongly disagree with this practice as I could never understand why you could keep 6 kids and then number 7 was just too much, and I always believed I had many siblings out in the world which was completely untrue. I was happy to acquire medical knowledge that I can pass on to my boys and discover that my birth mother had toes that were joined together, as do I and my first born son!
Sadly my birth mother recently passed away, ending another chapter of my life. I thank her for giving birth to me but more importantly I thank her for making the hard decision to relinquish me, consequently giving me the special Mum and Dad, and life that I have had… Family isn’t always blood.
“I was chosen.
I was wanted.
I was cherished.
I grew in their hearts.
I was the missing piece.
I was loved.
I was adopted.
I lacked nothing.”

Lis 🐻


9 thoughts on “Parenthood requires love, not DNA…

  1. You wrote so beautifully. Your Mum, both actually, would be so proud. You are an amazing soul. Your mum raised you well. Kind spirited and loving you are I can see through your words. God bless.

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