Sometimes you choose to live in denial because it is an escape from the brutal truth that is reality. Many, many years ago whilst on holiday in Europe,( following advice to just relax, go on holiday and it will happen) my husband and I found ourselves wondering if we had at last achieved our dream. I had all the classic symptoms, including being overdue and feeling nauseous. We decided it was time for a visit to the chemist to buy a pregnancy test; not an easy task when it’s the middle of the afternoon in a virtually non English speaking part of a Greek Island! We found the chemist ok, with its cross on the window, but we had not factored in afternoon siesta time when all shops shut. We abandoned our mission and decided to wait a few days, when we were returning to London. We were staying with my husband’s Aunty and Uncle and when we told her ( she knew of our struggles) she instantly went out and purchased a home pregnancy test! It was quite surreal, once I had done what was necessary, she placed it on the dining room table to await the result. In stunned disbelief we all watched the blue line appear; it was faint, but it was definitely there.
My husband, and Aunty were euphoric and while I rejoiced with them, deep down inside I just knew something wasn’t right. There was no tangible evidence of anything being amiss, but I just knew.. ( just as many years later I knew everything was ok when everyone else worried)
So for the next few weeks I lived in denial, planning our future family life. Then once back home, a trip to the specialist and the dreaded words ” non viable pregnancy” burst the bubble of my make believe world…
P.s. ( for those who are wondering, after a long, tumultuous journey, we achieved our dream many years later when I gave birth to twin boys and they were worth every second of our long wait!)
“Here’s to denial. Making reality easier to cope with since the dawn of civilisation “